All Talki and no Woshi
by Sadgeras
Summary: Viridi's has no showers, so Pittoo is dragged to Palutena's to take a bath and other...necessities. Fluff (?)
1. Chapter 1

"Let go of me!"

"Nnnnever!"

Pit had Pittoo firmly tucked under his arm and no matter how much Pittoo squirmed, Pit held him tight.

"How are you even this strong?!"

"I fought a titan, Pittoo."

"Whatever! The point is that I am not taking a bath, especially with you!"

"But you're going to get bugs!"

"Then I'll pull them out! Just let me go!"

In actuality, Palutena couldn't convince Viridi to get a bathtub, so they had to try to convince Pittoo to take a bath at the temple. However, that also required Pit go along too, since Pittoo was being stubborn. Good thing their equivalent of a bathtub was a giant golden hot spring.

Pit opened the doors to the bathing room.

"In you go!"

"Never!"

"Then I'll throw you in with your clothes!"

"Uhg, fine."

Pittoo looked around only to see the one exit being blocked by Pit. He sighed in defeat as he started undressing. When he started to take off his undershirt, he noticed Pit was getting undressed too. Right. Pit wanted to come in with him. Pittoo glared at Pit.

"Don't try anything funny."

Pit turned his head. "Like what?"

"Uhhh...no hugging me. Or touching me in any way."

"Can I touch your head?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"No. Touching."

"Ok."

Pittoo suspected something was up, but paid no heed. Once he and Pit slowly entered the spring, Pit started swimming around. Dark watched carefully as Pit swam a few laps around. He had done two laps already, and was going fast.

"I didn't know you were a strong swimmer."

"I guess..."

"You look like one of those people on TV."

"I do not!" Pit grabbed some soap and a scrubber from the side. "I'm much more muscular!"

"Right."

Pit paddled over. "Scrubby time!"

"No touching."

"The soap's touching you, not me."

"I can wash myself, you know."

"I know." Pit got his hands soapy, then grabbed Pittoo's wings. "I'm just helping."

Dark didn't stop Pit this time because his wings were hard to clean. He rested his head on the side of the spring and let Pit scratch his wings.

"Pittoo." Dark didn't listen.

"Piittoooooo."

"Piiiiiittooooooooooooooooooooooo-"

"What." Dark looked up. Pit turned around to show his wings.

"Do you think that you could help me now?"

So this was why Pit wanted to come. Since he just got a wing message and cleaning, saying no would be unfair. He reluctantly grabbed the soap.

"Don't move."

Pittoo had a bit of a hard time. Unlike himself, Pit never plucked his wings. So loose feathers were always falling out. It took at least ten minutes. Dark was finally granted permission to get out (after two extra minutes of him trying to convince Pit via wing message). He quickly got dressed, after seeing Pit try to get dressed before him. Just as Pittoo started walking down the hallway he was restrained yet again.

"Pit! I took your stupid bath!"

"And now you're going to watch TV with me!"

"Palutena didn't say that!

"But I did."

"I don't have to do this!"

"You are going to do this anyway."

"Let me gooooo!"

"No! We are going to have some fun Mister Grumpy!"

Pit giggled all the way to the sofa. He had found a new superpower.

As Palutena passed the living room, she saw Pit watching a cartoon with Dark Pit restrained under his arm. "Boys?"

"Hi Lady Palutena! Me and Pittoo are having some fun, right Pittoo?"

"help me."

"Well, don't let me ruin your fun!" Palutena walked away.

"Wait! Stop!" Pittoo pleaded.

"Are you ready to watch one of the greatest shows ever?" Pit was excited.

"I don't want to watch your stupid show."

"I think you'll like it."

"And if I don't?"

"You'll like it."

"But what if I-"Pit tightened his grip.

"Oh it's starting! Better not _interrupt_."

And with that, Dark Pit shut up.


	2. Chapter 2

"Zzzzzz...mmm...Pittoo...zzzzz..."

The stars shone in the clear night through the window. Pittoo however, was stuck inside under the arm of a sleeping Pit. All evening Dark Pit had been subjected to watching whatever Pit wanted. Now was his chance. Pittoo carefully slipped under and out Pit's right arm. He turned the lights off before leaving. The palace's interior's only source of light was through the big windows that lined the hall, turning it into a starlit tunnel. Dark Pit softly speed walked to his room and went to bed.

* * *

Dark Pit was in the north hall, mulling over how Pit would react to his escape. Pit could very easily restrain him again and force him to do something else. Peeking into the kitchen, he only saw Palutena and three fried eggs.

"Palutena?"

"There you are. I starting to wonder if I needed to come get you."

"What time is it?"

"Ten o clock."

Pittoo sat and gulped down breakfast.

"Thanks Palutena."

"No problem."

While Pittoo was getting ready, he decided he would need to protect himself against Pit, who was nowhere to be found. If Pit needed time to prepare something, Dark Pit was in trouble unless he protected himself. Once he was fully dressed, Pittoo went to search around for things he could use. In his room he found: a spiked collar for protection, two pillows for defense, an IPad for info, and a brush. In the bathroom he found a couple empty toilet paper rolls that, with some tape, were made into a sword. For the base, he decided that the north hall (the one that led to his room) was too obvious. Instead, the main hall would work. Everything was set. Until Pittoo realized his IPad was low on charge. Quickly, he ran through the halls to his room. He jammed the charger into his IPad. The north hall was not safe, since Pit would check here first.

 _*tap*_

What was that?

 _*tap*_

Someone was walking down the hall.

 _*tap*_

It was too slow to be Palutena.

"AAAAAAAH-! "

A scream pierced the air.

... _*tap*_

The footsteps got louder, and Pittoo's breathing got slower. Then the sound got quieter. Carefully, Dark went to the door. Looking to his right, he saw Pit walking away. His gray and dirtied wings were being dragged along as he shambled out of the hall. That wasn't like Pit. Once the coast was clear, he saw pieces of broken red glass and a white scarf on the ground. At that moment Dark Pit remembered that he had been working on a powerful pair of orbiters.

* * *

The main hall was called the main hall for a reason. Sun filtered through the stained glass and blue crystals. At noon, it's almost like heaven itself. It is also huge. Dark Pit could possibly fly around in there. The black angel walked into the light.

"Remember, only come out when I say, okay?"

He got a collective nod from behind.

 _*tap*_

"Get ready." He whispered.

 _*tap*_

*tap*

It was right in front of him, wings knotted with dirt. "...hi, again." Dark said. It did not respond. "Not much of a talker, are we? That's ok, I didn't expect you to respond either. I know what you are. So I'll tell you what I came to tell you; if you proceed, you will not get to Palutena." It took a step forward. "Hey, let me finish. What I'm saying is if you get any closer...

You will not like what happens next."

*tap*

"Alright then. Sorry Palutena. Looks like you're back to one."

Two slightly bigger than normal Fairy Orbiters few out from behind Dark Pit.

"Don't say I didn't warn you...

* * *

Palutena happily sat in the library, reading on old book on alchemy. The only thing that distracted her was a blue and purple blur. Confused, she looked up from her book and saw two slightly larger than normal Fairy Orbs desperately tugging at her dress. Palutena followed them around the palace into the main hall, where she could hear...shouting?

"Pittoo, you weren't supposed to knock me off my feet!"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"If you let the battle draw out, it would've been more epic!"

"I think blasting a Chaos Kin to bits is pretty epic."

"Boys? What's going on?"

"Hey Lady Palutena! We were just roleplaying!"

"...roleplaying?"

"Yeah, Pittoo was about to have an epic, **long** battle. Until..."

"You wanted me to be in character!" Dark Pit scowled.

"Maybe it's a good thing it was short. Your Fairies were worried about you." Palutena cut in.

"Really?" Pit walked over. "Aw, sorry guys."

"Are we going to do this or not?" Pittoo asked.

"Oh yeah! Ahem. If you want your brother back, come and get him! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Pit ran away laughing like a little kid. Palutena made her way back to the library with the Fairy Orbiters following close behind. And Dark Pit just sighed. Pit could not do an evil laugh to save his life. Not even when he was dragged to the couch. Wait. Pittoo's eyes widened in realization and horror. Pit had just gotten him to 'roleplay' with him _with no complaints whatsoever._

"PITSTAAAAAAAAAAIN!"


End file.
